Just another day

 So i was messing around on here trying to spoof up my page a little an looking at the different things people have done to theirs when i ran across "edit post" and since i have no clue as to what i am doing i clicked on it. It showed old drafts that where never published. One read the last 8 years or something like that. It was hard reading it....apparently it was written right before Chris moved or right after he moved. Either way it was before i knew of the affair. I'm not sure if id want to post it now but it was so rich with emotion i almost hate not to. its very detailed an kinda puts you where i was the last 8 years. I'm sure before its all said and done ill end up posting. Its crazy how things can change so quickly and to look back a year ago to see the changes almost makes me want to throw up. Yeah not a great feeling i know lol. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that change is bad but it def was unexpected. I still wake up from time to time thinking really??? Oh today is an emotional one for some reason. Started last night when i couldn't sleep. To many thoughts an to many emotions all about to boil over. I'm feeling a much needed vaca soon. I need some time to myself. Time to really put things in prospective. In just a few short months there will be even more changes. Am i ready? I think so. Scared? A little but who isn't before they get married an remarried at that. Suppose to be getting things done but i don't even know where to start. Seems overwhelming an wish i had someone to step up an take control for a bit. I'm not very good at getting organized an getting things done in time lol

   oh anyways on to the next thing. I am on my 14th day of being smoke free!!! Thank you thank you =) I never thought i would have gotten this far without hurting someone but so far no blood has been shed ha ha I have to give my oldest credit for this. Apparently the school teaches kids these days that cigarettes are drugs an they kill people. Yes i know that's all true but they make it sound like it has a knife an is wondering the streets at night killing people. So every time i went outside to light up C would say " mom when are you going to quit cause your going to die if you don't" an hearing this come from my 7 year olds mouth just made me wanna cry. I don't want you to die of cancer mommy. Hearing this is a kinda hard to swallow an seeing the pain in your child's eyes changes alot. SOOOO me an C had an agreement i would stop. A pinky promise to be exact. For those of you who don't know what a pinky promise or pinky swear is...its where you stick your pinky out an wrap it around another pinky in my case it was my sons, an you make an agreement then after saying it you say i pinky promise or pinky swear whichever an there ya go! But never take a pinky promise lightly. Its still your word even though it sounds silly so stick by your word. As for me it was the most difficult thing I've had to do in a long time. But i think if it wouldn't have been for that pinky promise id still be smoking today. So thank you son for helping me kick the habit.

Definition of Greed...My Ex.

Her 1st time to the beach!

Well received a letter in the mail from Chris's attorney yesterday saying they wanted to hold me in contempt for not signing forms saying he is entitled to 1 half of my child tax exemption. Wow really? I'm blown away right now. Not only has he dropped my kids insurance 2 months ago but also is behind on child support. I could go on an on about this like how he hardly ever calls the kids he doesn't take them when the papers say he can. ooh like for thanksgiving which he went to the Bahama's but couldn't see his kids. He says he cant afford to help pay for school pictures or pay for soccer or school supplies or school clothes or how about when i called in January asking him to help pay for a 195.00 prescription for C but said no or how about A's 200.00 glasses..think he helped pay for those?? Nope. He suppose to pay half of all medical yet he doesn't i do. He doesn't do anything really yet he wants  half of the income tax i receive. Just doesn't make any sense now does it. Greed. Selfish. That's all it is. All he can worry about is money when he should be calling an asking what can he do, how are the kids, how is school. He is missing so many important things in the kids life an all he can think about is money an what he thinks he deserves. Think he was around the first time C read a book all by himself with no help?? Or A's first soccer goal?? How about Kk's first time sticking her toes in the sand at the beach?? The list grows everyday an it makes me sad. How can you act like your own kids don'texist?? I am aware i have no way of knowing what Chris feels but from anyone looking in on this including his own family can see Chris has given up on being a father to his kids. The day he walked out is the day he washed his hands i guess. Out of sight out of mind. I cant say i mind being the one who goes to all there games an school functions going to the hundred doctor, dentist, or eye appointments. teacher parent conferences getting up all through the night cause of fever or a belly ache. Washing a million loads of laundry a week, picking out anything green out of supper cause eww its gross an filling up the pantry with millions of after school snacks cause mom you promised. Saying okay its your turn to play the wii but only 30 Mins. i have to be the mom the dad the good guy the bad guy i have to be everything. I'm mommy an nothing can compare to the love i have an share with my kids. I wake up every morning an see there precious faces an i kiss there tiny lips every night before bed. They know ill never leave ill never walk out ill never abandon them. I always hug them even when I'm mad i always say im sorry when im wrong i always say i love you even if I'm just running to the store an right back. So yes I'm mad I'm beyond mad right now. How dare you want to take food from there mouths take what isn't yours that money is NOT yours. I will defend my kids an stand up for whats theres. I am there voice an i will scream. Okay i believe i am done venting. oh an some random info i am on my 13th day of being smoke free. its also raining like crazy outside =)I went to an ARD meeting for C's speech today an was glad to hear all the wonderful things everyone had to say about him. Hes so smart an sweet he is ahead of his class etc. Sorry if anything is out of place or spelled wrong. Just not in the mood to make it look perfect im sure you will understand. An other then all that mess today is pretty decent. Welp gotta go lay miss kk down for her nap an make me some lunch =)

well it sure has been a long time!

My wonderful little family!

I don't even know where to start haha geez i forgot all about this account until someone posted on facebook a link to what actually a very sad blog. But then remembered i did in fact have an account an after sending an "i lost my password" msg here i am!! So much has changed since my last post. Well after chris moved to PA we divorced. Decided this that following Nov right after he came down for C's birthday. That is a long story an wont go there...for now. I'm still living in east Texas. I quit walmart last July when i kids went to visit there daddy in PA an currently not working. I stay home with miss kk who is now 2 1/2 an so far my wildest child! I am ENGAGED to a wonderful man. My kids love him as he loves them too. Its been a challenge for everyone to adjust but we are getting there. The boys are doing pretty good. C was diagnosed with ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) back when school started.He takes medications which i was def against for so long but now an happy to say it works! Mr A also is taking meds for ADHD and his teacher says its a miracle drug for him =) both boys are doing great in school an couldn't be happier. I am going out of my mind being a stay at home mom but should be thankful that i am able to. I am glad i ran across this again. will def give me something to do lol So that is the quick version of where i am these days. Look forward to posting more soon. yay i am back!